I apologize for being so distant. I left you all with the story that I met with my exboyfriend—the man that gave me herpes almost two years ago. I shall elaborate at a later date.
The matter at hand is my boyfriend. He’s got tested this week for herpes before everyone came back to school. We had agreed that he would get tested again by the end of Summer, but he surprised me by getting tested early. It was something that I wasn’t ready to handle, and that I’m still not sure I’m ready to process at this time.
The anxiety I feel lately upon moving to California and starting a new job is so extreme, I can barely handle anything else. I’m isolated and although I have the support of my family, I have no friends where I live now. I just don’t want to go through this. I don’t want to know what’s coming, because I do know what it is: I’ve given him herpes.
He probably had his first outbreak this summer, but because it was so minor, the doctor told him he had a 50/50 chance—so he decided not to be tested. He told me, however, that the doctor said he didn’t have it. He kept me at peace. He lied. But he did so, I understand now, for my benefit.
So, I will wait. So much is changing as of late and out of it all, I never thought I would break my promise. I cried so hard in October of 2011 telling my best friend how I would never hurt someone the way that I was hurt. And now, I’ve got to get okay with knowing that I didn’t hurt him the way I was hurt. He entered into this situation willingly and with full knowledge the way that I never did. I did the best I could. I love him. This is what I know for sure.